


Stand Up and Fight

by TheSofterGentlerMe



Series: The Lyrical Anthology [10]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional self-harm, F/F, The Lyrical Anthology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25653118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSofterGentlerMe/pseuds/TheSofterGentlerMe
Summary: Catra has confessed to Angela that she had been involved in it and now that Angella has had her say, Catra is trying to cope with it. What will Adora do when Catra comes in as a mess of emotions?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), catradora - Relationship
Series: The Lyrical Anthology [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767634
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Stand Up and Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Shall we?

Angella’s words echoed in Catra’s head as she walked through the halls of Bright Moon. The first was,  “What if I said you had to leave by yourself? Without Adora?” 

She had finally found the moment to speak to Angella, to try and make some kind of apology for what had happened. When Angella had said she might be banished, Catra had finally felt like the other shoe had dropped. It hurt, she’d have to give up the life she’d been building at Bright Moon and the thought had torn at her but she had known she’d do it if that was what Angella had wanted. 

_ I know I wouldn’t want to see me either,  _ she thought as she walked.

But in that brief flash of thought, when she was thinking that maybe she’d have to leave Bright Moon, Adora had been walking out with her. Just that one thing had given her the strength. Then Angella had said that if that was what was to happen, it’d be without Adora. And in that moment, her composure had broken and she’d been ready to fight. Immortal angelic being? Top class sorcerer beside her? She remembered the thought that had flashed across her mind. 

_ Let’s see you make me,  _ she’d thought and then had fought to keep herself from following through on the instinct to throw herself at them both. She’d held back though and it was the thought of Adora in her mind that made it possible. She knew even if that was the sentence, having to leave alone, Adora would follow her now. Then Angella had passed her actual sentence and then said the other words that haunted Catra now. 

“ Do it because if you don’t, you’ll hurt Adora. Fail at this, backslide, and you’ll crush her and you know it.”

And she did know it. She fought with herself every day over it. She lived in terror that one day Adora was going to realize just what a horrible person she really was and leave her. 

_ That’s because she’s good and you’re not. She made the right choices when she had the chance and you didn’t. You are a complete and utter screw up and this won’t last. Why would you think it could? Sure, she’d follow you, sure she would. Long enough to make the connection, to really realize why you had to leave and then she’s out, she’s gone, she moves on, somewhere else, someONE else, right you screw up? You’re just a screw up, leave now and save her the pain that’s coming,  _ she thought. 

Catra stopped in the hallway as her mind spiraled. She instinctively reached down for Melog and then remembered she had left them back in the room with Adora. She thought for a split second of going back to the room but then she thought of what it’d be like showing up in the state she was in and she couldn’t put Adora through that.

_ Yeah, run to her. Great idea, screw up. Dump your problems all over her, the problems you started. Sure sucks when your actions come back to you doesn’t it? She doesn’t have that problem because she’s good. Too good for you.  _

Catra shook her head and walked out into the garden. Stars and moons soared overhead as she stalked along the edge of the green area along the plants and to a corner where the wall met the greenhouse and was shaded by a few large plants. It wasn’t the best place but it was private and she needed a place she wasn’t going to run into anyone right now. 

“OK, ok, I don’t have to listen to that voice,” she told herself out loud as she sat down in the corner and began to take deep breaths. 

_ Ah, look at you, you worthless lump.  _

“No,” Catra said as she dug her claws into the ground and felt the dirt. She clenched her eyes shut and once again took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out. 

“No,” she repeated again as the voice started to chirp up again and took another breath, held it, and let it out. She could feel the warm dirt in her hands and pushed her arms against the ground, feeling the flex of muscles in her shoulders and arms as they tightened. The voice started talking and Catra focused on her breathing and fought to ignore it. As she tried to keep her breathing deep and steady she kept up the pushing against the ground. The tension felt good and the ache was better than smashing things with her hands and claws until she hurt. 

Slowly the voice went quiet and Catra felt herself relax her shoulders as she opened her eyes. It was still deep in the night and she still felt raw but she felt like she could manage for the moment. She stood and brushed the dirt off her hands as she slowly thought through what to do next.

_ OK, go wake Adora up. We agreed we can talk to each other about these things,  _ she thought.  _ She’s committed to me, just like I am to her. We can work on it. And yeah, of course you can annoy her with your probl… NO! No, you can fight this, it’s worth the fight, go see Adora. _

Catra shook her head and went off into the castle. When she went into their rooms, Melog looked up from the bed and immediately shrunk down from their regular size and slunk over to Catra. Catra knelt down and picked up Melog and held them tight as she sat down on the side of the bed. Adora was already waking up from Melog jumping off the bed and as her eyes opened she saw Catra fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Couldn’t sleep again?” Adora said as she rubbed sleep from her eyes. Then she saw Catra almost curled around Melog with her eyes squeezed shut and realized this was something more. She sat up and carefully put her arm around Catra. 

“What’s wrong?” she whispered. 

Catra opened her eyes a little and looked at her and said, “Promise?” 

Adora, nodding a little said, “Promise.” 

Catra lay down on the bed and Adora scooted in behind her and wrapped her up tight in her arms. Catra felt the anxiety loosen a little and Melog nuzzled her face a bit as she tried to organize her thoughts. Adora nuzzled at Catra’s growing hair and Catra took comfort from the relaxed normality of the gesture. 

“I went and talked to Angella,” Catra said. “I told her what I’d done.” 

Adora squeezed her a little tighter in comfort and said, “You decided not to wait and do it with me?” 

“I did. I know we’d talked about it but I was up baking and I heard her and Micah in the hall and I thought…,” Catra said, trailing off. 

“You thought that I’d be put off by seeing you have to deal with your past,” Adora said. 

Catra nodded her head. 

“We should talk about it with Perfuma when we have our meeting with her,” Adora said. “But why do you think I’m going to suddenly leave you?” 

Catra rolled over and looked her in the eye and said, “I.., I just think you will. I know, I’m stupid for thinking it.” 

“Don’t call yourself stupid. I’m the idiot in this relationship, remember,” Adora said with a smile. 

Catra shook her head and said, “No, don’t joke right now. Please.” 

Adora turned serious again and said, “I’m sorry but don’t insult yourself.” 

Catra nodded and said, “Fair enough.”

“So what happened?” Adora asked. “It didn’t go well?”

“No, it went ok. She said she doesn’t like me and doesn’t know if she ever will but hey, I can’t blame her for that,” Catra said. 

Adora waited for her to continue and when she didn’t, said, “You seem pretty relaxed with Angella not liking you. What else happened?” 

Catra looked away and said, “She told me that she had considered banishing me. Without you.” 

Adora looked shocked for a moment and then began to get angry. 

“Does she really think that I would…,” Adora said before Catra cut her off. 

“No, stop, she said she knew it would never happen,” Catra said. “She did it to see how I’d react. It was a test.” 

“Catra, that’s not really much better,” Adora said, still feeling a little bubbling anger. 

“No, I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. She then told me I needed to be a better person and that was my sentence from her,” Catra said. 

Adora now looked a little confused and said, “But you are? I mean, you were there trying to be b etter. I mean you are better and you keep trying to be even more better. Better better. You know what I mean. ” 

Catra stopped and she could hear the words again in her head that she would crush Adora if she failed. She tightened up and felt herself start to shut down as she thought of failing Adora, of hurting Adora more than she already had in the past, and of losing Adora. Adora felt the anger flee her as she saw Catra hurting and pulled her in close, squishing Melog between them. Melog squirmed loose and made themselves larger so they could encircle the two and give them a sense of protection.

“Can you tell me about it?” Adora said gently. 

Catra nodded and took a few breaths. She put one hand on Melog, the other on Adora and started to talk.

“OK, so…, I think that…,” and then she trailed off. Adora waited. 

_ Go on, tell her what a screw up you are. Tell her, tell her, tell her. Be sure you look her in the eyes, you need to see her realize, see what you do to people, _ the voice echoed through her head. 

Catra squeezed her eyes shut and overrode the thought with another one. 

_ Trust her. Don’t hide it from her, don’t give up now or every other struggle to get here has been worthless. _

Catra opened her eyes and looked at Adora and said, “This is really hard to say. I think Angella knew what she was saying when she said this but didn’t realize just how big it is. She said if I screwed it up, it’d crush you. I’m scared of that all the time, that you’ll realize all the awful things I’ve done, that I’ll screw up, and you’ll finally hit a tipping point and you’ll be gone. I don’t want to lose you again.” 

Adora kissed Catra carefully on her forehead, then rested her forehead against Catra’s and said, “Catra, I know you just like you know me and I have seen you at your absolute worst. What am I going to learn that is so bad that I’ll run now? If anything, I’m scared I won’t live up to your expectations for me.”

“What!? Why!?” Catra said. 

“I don’t know! I just do! I worry about it all the time!” Adora said. 

“Adora, there’s no way you could disappoint me,” Catra said. 

“Well there’s no way that I’m going to suddenly have some realization that I hate you and leave,” Adora said. 

Catra was silent for a moment and she could feel herself relaxing a little. It felt good to hear it from Adora’s mouth. 

“We, um, we really need that session with Perfuma don’t we?” Catra said. 

“Probably several,” Adora said. 

Catra settled herself a little more in the bed and shyly asked, “Scratch between my ears please?”

Adora scratched without answer and they both set in silence as Catra slowly felt her tension unravel. She even purred a little, although it was halting. 

“Don’t hate Angella,” Catra said quietly after a little while. 

Adora kept the scratching up but looked at her in concern and said, “What do you mean?”

“I know you were mad at her earlier. I get why she’s mad, so please don’t hate her,” Catra said. 

“I’m still mad at her right now but no, I don’t hate her,” Adora said. “Are you ok with that?” 

Catra nodded and settled down again. After a few minutes she gently moved Adora’s hand off her head. 

“I think I can sleep now. Thank you,” Catra said.

“OK, I might be up for the day now myself but I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” Adora said as she gave Catra a kiss.

Catra nodded again with a yawn and slipped off to sleep quickly. Adora sat and held her and soon, despite her earlier words, drifted off herself. They both woke early in the morning despite the rough night. They sat and watched the day begin from their balcony while Catra sipped at her tea. Adora had once again tried a sip but despite Catra’s love for it, she still couldn’t stand it. Then there was a knock at the door. Catra’s ears flicked a little in irritation at the early interruption but she got up to go answer it. 

Bow came in a bit wide eyed and said, “I am so sorry to be here so early but Angella and Micah are leaving this morning!” 

Catra stood frozen as Adora stood up from her seat and walked into the middle of the room. 

“Wait, did you say they’re leaving? For good?” Adora said. 

“Well, no, not for good, they told Glimmer and I that they want to go see the kingdoms now but they didn’t want to wait,” Bow said. 

Catra shook her head and said, “Is Glimmer dealing with this ok?” 

“I think so. She says she’s fine since she can just teleport to wherever they are but it just seems so, I don’t know, sudden,” Bow said. 

Catra and Adora looked at one another with a look Bow caught but didn’t really understand. 

“Guys, what’s going on?” Bow said. “You don’t seem real shocked by this.”

Again Catra and Adora exchanged a look and then Adora said, “Do you want to say anything?” 

Catra tapped her foot for a moment and said, “Bow, I might have something to do with this.” 

Now Bow looked confused and said, “What? How?”

“Well, I went to see Angella last night and told her that I was the one who trapped her and she kind of, well, told me she didn’t like me. Then she basically told me to be a better person and she wasn’t real gentle about how she said it,” Catra said.

Bow stood there in confusion for a moment and said, “So you think she’s leaving so she doesn’t have to be here with you?” 

“I don’t know! I’m still processing it!” Catra said. When she realized she was shouting she took a breath and said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted but I really don’t know. It sure sounds like it though.” 

Catra sounded dejected at the thought. Adora had already thrown on some clothes over her night clothes and was pulling on her boots as she listened to the conversation. As Catra finished Adora stood up and walked over to Catra. 

Catra noticed she was dressed and said, “Adora, what are you doing?” 

“I’m going to go and talk with her,” Adora said. “Are you ok?” 

“Hang on there, you got that mad She-Ra-ish look in your eye,” Catra said. “It’s ok. Really. If Glimmer is alright with it, it doesn’t bother me.” 

“I really do just want to make sure everything is ok. I promise I won’t turn into She-Ra or anything rash or cause a scene. If you don’t want me to go though, I’ll stay,” Adora said.

Catra thought about it for a moment and then said, “OK, yes, I’m fine with you going. I’ll be alright here.”

Adora nodded and strode out with Bow racing to keep up as she took long strides down the corridor towards Micah and Angella’s chambers. 

“Adora, are you ok?” Bow said. 

“I’ve got some pent up energy I’m trying to burn off,” Adora said. 

“Well I guess we’re jogging this morning then,” Bow said as he fast walked to keep up. 

A few minutes later, Adora was in front of the door and she could hear Glimmer inside talking with her parents. Adora knocked as carefully as she could. Angella called out to come in. 

Adora stepped inside to find Micah and Angella packing a few bags and Glimmer sitting backwards on a chair and talking with them. Everything seemed so normal, so relaxed, that Adora could feel the last of her anger blow away. Angella and Micah exchanged a quick glance when they saw her come in though that Adora didn’t miss. 

“Good morning, Adora,” Angella said. “It’s good to see you. However, I have a feeling that you’re here about last night.” 

“I am and I’ll start off by saying that I hope this,” Adora said as she gave a small gesture at the packing, “isn’t a result of last night.”

“Mom, what do you mean last night? Did something happen?” Glimmer said in confusion as Bow walked over to her.

“Adora, I would very much like to know what has been said,” Angella said. 

Adora tamped down a quick flash of anger and said, “Catra said she went to let you know about what she’d done to you. She said you said you didn’t like her, that she needed to be a better person, and then said she’d hurt me if she screwed up again.” 

Glimmer stood up and her wings flared out a little as she said, “Mom!”

Micah sat down as Angella looked at Adora and said, “Yes, that’s true. Adora, I love you and I know you love her. For me though, I still don’t trust Catra and I’m leery of her. I know I’m the only one in this room that feels this way towards her but I won’t apologize for it.” 

Adora sighed a bit and said, “I love you too and I’m not going to ask you to apologize either. But I will ask you that... no, no, you know what? I’m not asking, I’m telling you this. Do not use me against her ever again. I’m not anyone’s weapon and especially not one to use against Catra!”

Adora gripped her hands tight and took a breath and then said, ”She had a meltdown last night after she left you and a lot of it is because she lives in terror of losing me. I get she’s done you wrong and you don’t have to like her but she’s trying hard.” 

Angella looked down for a moment as Micah, Bow and Glimmer all waited to see what would be said next. 

“Adora, I won’t use you against her again. I did tell her I was going to check in to see what kind of progress she was making. I’ll leave her alone if you think that’s best,” Angella said as she looked up at Adora. 

“That’s not my decision to make. That’s hers. She wants to atone where she can so maybe she wants to do that and I’ll stick by what she wants. That’s assuming you really are checking in to see her progress and not torment her,” Adora said. “But you still haven’t answered me. Are you leaving to get away from her?” 

“OK, I want to be irritated at the assumption that I’d be tormenting her but I can see why you’d say it. No, I don’t want to torment her. I really hope she does become a better person. To answer the first question, no, we’re not leaving because of her. Micah and I are going on a trip to get a new beginning for the two of us and to get out and see the world,” Angella said. 

Adora nodded and said, “OK, thank you. Believe it or not, I think Catra felt bad you might have been leaving because of her.” 

“You’re welcome. And you and I?” Angella said, her face going a little sad.

“We’re ok. A little bruised right now but we’re ok,” Adora said as she relaxed.

“That was a bit intense,” Glimmer said as she held Bow’s hand. Bow wiped at the tears in his eyes and nodded his agreement. Micah stood and put his arm around Angella’s waist.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come in and make a scene during your going away moment,” Adora said. 

Angella smiled and said, “I was just thinking that I was seeing a whole new Adora and then you say that. So it’s nice to see some things don’t change but you don’t need to apologize. I understand why you came. I’d have done the same.”

Adora nodded as she stepped back towards the door and said, “I’m going to go now. Drop by Elberon while you’re traveling. They throw a good party.”

Angella took a tentative step forward and said, “May I have a hug before you go?” 

Adora stopped for a moment and thought about it. She nodded for a moment and stepped forward and embraced Angella. It was short but they both felt a bit better when they stepped apart. Adora left the room without another word and Angella stood for a moment before picking up a pair of socks and tossing them into the bag with a sigh. 

“Are you ok, Mom?” Glimmer said as she stepped up and hugged her mother.

Angella hugged her back and said, “Yes, it’s just seeing Adora like that is one more reminder of how much I missed.” 

As Adora walked back down the corridor, she felt exhausted. Now that the anger was gone, the looming reality of the situation was creeping in. It was one thing to know that random strangers didn’t like your girlfriend, maybe even hated her, but it was entirely another matter for that to come from someone you looked up to and loved as well. As she reached their room, she leaned against a wall and took a moment to gather her thoughts before she went inside. 

As Adora entered the room, she saw Catra sitting at the table with a piece of scrap paper and a pencil. In front of her, illuminated in the light coming from the window, was Catra’s teapot and cup. She was intent on getting the shape of the pot just right when Adora walked over to her, being sure to come in from the side so she wouldn’t surprise her, and sat down at the table. 

Catra sat the pencil down and stretched her back as Adora looked at the sketch and said, “That’s pretty good.” 

“Thanks but I really need to work on curves. I do like this one here though,” Catra said as she pointed at the rim of the cup drawn on the page. “I didn’t hear explosions. I’m assuming it went alright?” 

Adora sighed and said, “Well they aren’t leaving because of you and yes, it went ok. She said her and Micah were going to get a new start and just enjoy the traveling I guess.” 

Catra’s tail flicked as she sat and said, “And you two are alright?” 

“Long term? Yes. Short term? I’m kind of glad she’s leaving for the moment to be honest,” Adora said. “I’m not mad but yeah, I’ll need a little time to process. And she said that she won’t be checking in on you if you don’t want her to. I did tell her she’s not going to torment you about it if you do decide to though.” 

Catra smiled and said, “You know, you’re cute when you’re protective.”

Adora blushed a little and Catra continued, “And it probably wouldn’t hurt to have someone keeping an eye on me who’s not a fan and so will probably be blunt.” 

“Catra, I’m not sure I like that,” Adora said. “I won’t let you torture yourself.” 

“Oh trust me, you’re going to be there. I’m not doing that alone again,” Catra said with a little shudder. Adora hugged her close and they looked down together at Catra’s sketch.

“You know, I think we should get you some actual drawing stuff,” Adora said. 

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Catra said.

They sat quietly a little longer. Adora could still feel the exhaustion from earlier and felt it creeping in on her some more. Angella had been there for her and it felt weird to be at odds with her over anything. To be at odds over Catra gave it a little extra hurt. She also worried about how Glimmer would react to the whole thing as well and Bow, what would Bow think she wondered. She felt the world shake a little under her. 

Adora looked at Catra and said, “Promise?”

Catra looked back at Adora and nodded, “Promise.”

And they both knew it would be ok. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I went over this one a few times because it's a situation where both sides are at fault but also both sides are right. Here's to hoping I pulled it off in a decent way. 
> 
> I did also want to say that you may have already figured this one out but I felt like I should put a note in case anyone is wondering. When Catra first goes back to Adora and says, “Promise?” and then Adora responds with promise in the affirmative, that was me having them making the original, “Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other,” and the response of “Promise” into a call and response thing for the two. So basically when one says promise and the other responds with the same they’re saying: 
> 
> “Promise?”  
> Question from one meaning: “You promise we’re still together and we can get through this?”  
> “Promise.”  
> Answer in assurance from the other meaning: “Yes, I promise, we’re together and we can get through this.”
> 
> The lyric for this title are also the title to the song Stand Up and Fight by Turisas and I took one other lyric from it and changed it around a little for Catra to tell herself to get her to talk to Adora. “What a relief it would be to end this all/How easy to fly the white flag and give up/But would I run today just to die another day/Give up now and every fight has been in vain.” I’ve branched out a lot in my musical tastes over the years but metal will always have a place in my heart and this song, that I found within the last year or so, really hit me solidly. It’s definitely a “keep going” song that I felt fits with Catra’s ongoing struggle.


End file.
